Longing for Home

 "As I walk alone I feel just that, alone. My Lady's touch is no longer felt on these foreign breezes. The tall grass here only hides filth and more death. The songs of birds aren't sounds of elation but calls of warning before utter silence. The cold here isn't as harsh as it was when we left home but it's colder still. When I look toward Lady Morwen, as I often do, I can remember a familiar place. A place of spiritual warmth and an overall oneness with all of the world. But these feelings of nostalgia are fleeting. The longer I look at her I start to feel anger. Why is one so pure and delicate having to deal with such misfortune in a terrible place such as this? Yes she can hold her own and is becoming hardened but the fact that she had to attain these qualities is enough alone to hurt me. Now anger turns into wonder. Why does she hold me in such high regard? I see her look at me often as well. A look I'm not accustomed to. Has her respect for me diminished now that she has seen me at my worst? Does she pity me in this vulnerable state? Or is that a softness in her eye that is actually something even deeper? I know how to heal another man's injuries but the wounds I carry aren't easily bound. I also know steel and iron. Sweat and blood. Fear and vigilance. A woman's love I do not know. Aleena, that was my mother's name. I have to remind myself sometimes. I know my father loved her and she him. I never formed permanent memories of her so not even her love has warmed me as far as I can recall. Ehlonna....thats the constant love I knew. A feeling that feels far. Am I simply too far from home to still feel her? To disconnected? Does she feel shame when she looks at me and some of my deeds? What does she feel when she looks at one of her most faithful? Can she still feel my love? I can not feel hers. Her favor and trust were all I had on many a hard day. And it was enough. I need to see my groves. Feel the rays of sun through the leaves of the canopy. Hear the snort of deer as a predator looms. See the grass bend to the will of the wind. Watch a spider envelope its prey for a later meal. All of this and more is the Gnarley and I need it all. My Lady is there and maybe her love is there also, waiting for my return."